… Are bigger than ours. I am reminding myself of this as I step out blindly in faith. I’m leaving the only real job I’ve ever had with coworkers that I LOVE (but with hours I hate), trying to follow a plan that I believe is God’s will for my life.
Let me start at the beginning. A few weeks ago, I was completely spent. I was physically and emotionally drained. When Jake laid down for a nap, I told my husband I was going to pick up a quick easy dinner and I was going ALONE. In the car, I found myself praying aloud. “I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. My plans aren’t working. Please just show me what I’m supposed to do, not my will, but Yours.” Just acknowledging my own failures out loud was somehow freeing, a little weight lifted.
A few hours later, my brother-in-law tagged me in a Facebook post about a job opening. I applied. Within the week, I had an interview set up. I have applied and interviewed for a LOT of jobs over the past 2 years, but haven’t really been moved that any of them were the right fit. I turned it over to the Lord. “Not my will, but Yours.”
Another week or so went by, and I got the job offer. Better schedule, including being off EVERY Sunday, but a pretty drastic pay cut. Hubs was unsure, and, honestly, so was I. We decided to think and pray about it. On our way to church (where we hadn’t been in over a month), I joked that maybe the sermon would be about how to make good decisions. AND IT WAS. Y’all, it actually was. It was about following God’s plan, and Him providing for your needs when you do.
Over the next few days, we talked and prayed and argued. With a heart for motherhood, I know that no full time job is going to give me what I want most. But we have bills to pay, and I can’t leave my husband hanging, having to work 2 or 3 jobs to make ends meet. Finally, we decided for me to take the new job (and roughly 1/3 salary cut -eek!). Then we decided to reevaluate in 6 months. So here we go. I start my new job June 15, and while I’m absolutely terrified, I have the peace that this plan is bigger than I am, and I’m not alone. “Not my will, but Yours.”